The nearly abstract pulse of downtempo melody that courses throughout alterity’s “i don’t deserve this” is like a melancholic mood that can hang over you across an entire day or days at a time. But through this murky filter glimmers of clear tones shine through like the flickering of hope when life seems to be going through a period of sustained gloom and prolonged self-examination and processing why you’re tolerating the way things are rather than making an abrupt and immediate change. But trauma can have that impact on you and you can float through longer periods than would otherwise be normal and you cling to these seemingly emotionally tangible motes of hope and joy until the dark times have passed or you have managed to gather the will to push yourself through the things you need to do to get clear of the situations that have you feeling like you’re living in a muted version of a vibrant life. The song captures that feeling that is rarely articulated well in life and in art and fans of Tim Hecker’s most beautifully nightmarish moments will find some moments of solace here too. Listen to “i don’t deserve this” on Spotify.
Queen City Sounds and Art 
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